mumbo jumbo

midnight. currently sitting in my apartment at my too-tiny-to-be-practical desk that i got at walmart for 29 dollars. the blinds are open; i can see lights from the apartment across from mine. someone's watching tv. blue lights flicker. it's raining, i think. maybe drizzling. definitely misting. walking from where i parked was so eerie. dark, misty; blurred yellow lights and dampness collecting on your hair. the streets are quiet.

i'm exhausted. my brain is currently spewing incoherent thoughts but i feel the need to just keep on spewing it out. i don't even know what i want to say, just that i need to say something.

life
has been so hectic. i have never gotten behind so early in the school year before. not that i have time this weekend to catch up. lab, retreat, meetings. things piled upon things piled upon more things.

i should probably sleep. or get some work done.

i'm feeling oddly calm though. God has been a bigger presence in my life this year compared to my previous college years, and He's been reassuring me, "what is impossible for you is possible through Me." which is good, because if the rest of the school year will be anything like these past two weeks, i definitely can't do it on my own strength.

the year feels strangely heavy to me. it's this tangible weight bearing down. i feel pressured to make things happen. so little time left. so many unanswered questions, decisions to be made, risks to be taken. i don't know.

i'm craving quiet time with God. i feel like i just haven't gotten any of it lately. maybe that's why i feel rushed all the time.

also craving quiet time with people. i want to lie in the sun on the grass on art hill, the air crisp with the first snap of autumn, and just spend time in comfortable silence with a friend. maybe in the shade though, since my spf 70 expired and i have yet to replace it.

bits of incoherence are still floating in my head but my brain is insisting upon sleep. so good night for now. more to come later, perhaps.